My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
