Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
