She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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