i just sent this text using only my big toe
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
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