It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize