Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
