Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
