You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
