I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
