Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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