At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
