peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
