Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
