My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
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Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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