Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
