I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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