In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
