If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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