Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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