he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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