i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Randomize
