On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
