I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
