I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
