My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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