I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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