I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
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She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
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