I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
