Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
