dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
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Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
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and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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