I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
My vagina just recognized that song.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
