actually, I'm a sock model
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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