I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
