There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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