you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
