The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
