i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
