I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
