Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
