im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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