Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
