I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
