I'm pants shitting drunk right now
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
if only i could text you this smell
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
