hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
i've created a new STD.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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