Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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