he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
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I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
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I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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