Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
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Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
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I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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