You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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