Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize
