her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Randomize
