Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
