Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I am naked and annoyed.
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