she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
