If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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