She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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