he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
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He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
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We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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