awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
