Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
