do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
